‘Dear’ Scumbags

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I am under constant disappointment of our society.  Currently I am enraged by the medias empathy for trent mays and ma’lik richmond after Judge Thomas Lipps found them guilty for rapping a six-teen year old classmate.

I am addicted to reading and watching news clippings regarding this trial, and it is a disgrace.  For starters, I do not care where their lives were going; they made a choice to rape an unconscious woman. The media has said she was “too drunk to give consent” . . . more like “unconscious and unable to give consent.” Why so concerned about sheltering us from the extremities of these rapists act?

Here is a video, staring trent mays. After watching this, tell me just how sorry he really is.

“She is so dead”
“She is deader than . . .”
“She is so rapped”
“She’s more rapped than . . .”

In the video a bystander says, “dude, you are so going to jail.”

All of this . . . followed by laughter. That is right, laughter. We see the truth about how one feels before any discipline is taken. Regretting something only when there are consequences for your actions is not regretting a damn thing. They are ashamed people know and are holding them accountable for their actions.

Their actions being rapping an unconscious woman, documenting it, and sharing it with friends and the world. By no means am I upset that their stupidity aided their inevitable sentence.

But then again, how accountable are they really being help? One-two year minimum . . . in juvenile detention (could be locked up until 21), and are now registered sex offenders.

This is a bunch of bullshit. Minimum of 1-2 years? Shoplifting or stealing can have bigger repercussions than rape? Isn’t rape stealing ones option to say no. Much more was stolen from the victim, a living, breathing individual.

In an ‘apology’ trent mays said, “I would truly like to apologize to [redacted], her family, my family and the community,” mays said. “No picture should have been sent around, let alone even taken.” . . . he did not apologies for the act, he apologized for the stupidity of documenting the act.

ma’lik collapsed and says, “my life is over, no one is going to want me now.” Good. You brought this on yourself. You, the rapists, had control over the situation. You are responsible for your own actions, so take responsibility. You do on the football field, so do it now.

It seems that since there was not a price tag on what was taken the repercussions are lessened? What about mental health after the assault? After the trial? If counseling is needed, why aren’t the rapists forced to pay those bills? How is that not a standard? People are constantly held accountable for car accident damage, yet the damage from a sexual assault is not the same?

These rapists are not the victims, yet the media sympathizes with them. The victim seems to have been forgotten while we hear about the promising careers that have been ruined . . . FROM THEIR OWN DOING! We are our own disasters. The choices we make affect others. I have no sympathy for anyone but the woman that was photographed, tweeted and recorded about, and RAPPED.

In closing,

Scumbags, I have no sympathy for stupidity. Get over yourselves because you are getting off easy, regardless of what sentences might be brought to, you are lucky.

Still interested? Here are some interesting links to check out (or search Steubenville trial. Its worth the read):
http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/17/justice/ohio-steubenville-case/index.html
http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/17/justice/ohio-steubenville-case/index.html
http://jezebel.com/5991148/fox-news-manages-to-out+awful-everyone-by-naming-steubenville-victim-on-tv
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/03/14/ohio-football-rape-trial/1987471/#
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/03/17/cnn-grieves-that-guilty-verdict-ruined-promising-lives-of-steubenville-rapists/

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Lashes vs. Legs

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I grew up in what I considered to be an average environment. I was a mama’s girl, my sister and I fought about the front seat and me wearing her clothes, and my dad was overprotective but somehow really easy going. It was a really interesting dynamic that I can’t even begin to describe.

I would not consider myself close to my family.  Over the years I have actually grown more distant to them then I really ever imagined. I think I’ve finally realized why, I honestly have absolutely no idea how I came from my family.

I went home for a wedding about a month ago. It was a great reason to see my family plus we were surrounded by a bunch of people I knew, so making conversations was way easier then if it were just my family. However, throughout the conversations I learned some things about my mother that I never would have guessed, which probably aids in the realization that I really do not know who my family is.

At the wedding I was talking with my mom and one of her good friends, but it was one of those friends that she hadn’t talked to due to busy schedules and what not. As we were talking my moms friend (Sue) commented that he eye lashes look wonderful! I hadn’t really noticed, they looked longer, but I didn’t really equate that to wonderful. Plus one of them was sticking up in a funny direction and I didn’t really know how to go about telling her, “hey mom you have a stray eye lash, let me get that for you.” Well this was the moment I decided to go that rout. Immediately my mom backs away and says, “NO! Its still attached.” Me… being me, knew I could see it and she couldn’t so I insisted that it was in fact, time for that lash to go.

I reach for it and to my surprised… It WAS still attached. Ok, now I am just grossed out and confused… The reasons behind my confusion and discuss was due to eyelash extensions. Have you heard about it? Its really interesting and much like hair extensions except they take every individual eyelash put some glue on it and attach another lash. (In depth description of application found here: http://www.xtremelashes.com/eyelash_extensions_procedure.aspx)

Side effects vary, as with all procedures, these include

  • gluing your fingers together (if you’ve use super glue who hasn’t done this, especially if you have ever used a home fake nail kit)
  • irritation of the eye (infection)
  • gluing your eyes shut
  • loss of eyelashes
  • and in some cases BLINDNESS

(You have to download some of the documents to read about it but here is the site: http://www.novalash.com/health-safety.html

http://www.livestrong.com/article/297718-side-effects-of-eyelash-extensions/

http://www.thebeautyinsiders.com/side-effects-of-eyelash-extensions.html)

Costs of this procedure vary but are roughly

  • $250-$600 and takes 90-120 minutes (so roughly $2.77-$5 a minutes). This lasts for about two months
  • Then an eyelash re-application is in order which is roughly $75-$250 for a 30-60 minute session ($2.5-$4.17 per minute)

http://www.lavishlashes.com/cost-of-service/

So I found out that my mom had this procedure done, and while we were discussing it she noticed my hairy legs and arm pits… which she addressed as, “You need to go and shave this instant!” Everyone in my family and close to agreed with her statement.

My question is: what does it say about our world where one woman neglecting to shave is a bigger deal than someone deciding to have an unnecessary and extremely expensive temporary procedure…

 

there’s no sexy way to ask, “when was the last time you were tested?”

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Hooking up has never been easier then it is in college. We’re young so why not! Right? Well… the problem is… We are young… To young to get and STD that will be with us for the rest of our lives. I have not mastered approaching someone and sexily asking them, “So… what STD’s might you have?” or “Well hello, when was the last time you were tested?” I just feel like either of these questions would get zero responses aannndd probably kill any momentum I gained in the walk over.

I just… I have a trust issue. First of all, people don’t get tested nearly as often as they should; secondly there is no insurance that they give a damn about my health when all they are interested in is sex. Also, I like to think actually knowing the person and having a connection makes everything that much better. Not only that, but being intoxicated while doing anything physical (especially for the first time with someone) is awkward and unattractive. Has a drunk person every tried to kiss you?? If no, I’ll let you in on a secret. They think they are an amazing kisser, the truth… Its either very slimy and they go in mouth open ooorrr miss… by a long shot which ends in a wet face… None of this seems appealing to me… but then again meeting people is a difficult thing to do. I’ve never mastered going from stranger to intimate relationship… I like to get to know the person, figure out their quarks, habits, and get completely comfortable with them before actually creating anything more than friendship. I may be searching for this person for a while… But I feel like it will be worth it in the end. We’ll see how this turns out.

being bi

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Many people constantly assume I am straight… unless I am wearing a feminist t-shirt, in which case I am ‘for sure’ a lesbian. What a conundrum! For people to think I am bi, I have to tell them. Don’t get me wrong I have no problem telling people I am bi its just annoying when I have to explain how I can be bi…

I have explained my bisexuality to straight, gay and lesbian people.

Straight people can be confused about how you can like both men and women.

  • Have you ever been in a relationship with a woman? – Well, no.
  • Have you ever been in a relationship with a man? – Yes…
  • IF you have never been in a relationship with a woman but you have with a man how do you know you just aren’t confused/curious/questioning… – Um… Well… ….

I don’t know how to express how I know, but I do. I like/love people for their personality, so if I like you take it as you have an amazing personality and you’re a good person and are capable of caring about others. My favorite response that many people use is “well how do you know you’re straight.” Which is legit, I’ve just never used it.

Then there is the fear of your bi friend falling for you and you’re straight; which happens for sure. But straight friends fall for another straight friend and the friend might not like them! So I’m sorry if we are good friends and hang out a lot and I happen to like you, trust me I am upset about it too and chances are I will never do a damn thing about it… because your straight.

Now what thoughts have I been met with from a few gay/lesbian individuals?

  • It’s an easy middle ground.
  • On the fence gay/lesbians.
  • Greedy Bisexuals (want to have sex with anyone & everyone)
  • Don’t wanna come all the way out of the closet (fence lesbians)

Obviously none of these are responses or questions that every straight person would ask. And not all gay/lesbian people are upset about bisexual.  It’s just difficult to be in the middle ground because… well it’s the middle. There is no defiant I like –insert type here–.

It’s just a bummer that both sides (straight and gay/lesbians) have stigmas that can make it weird and make me feel out of place. But at some point that will all change… Until then…

Peace

I can’t think straight…

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Hello… I am Kara Eggers and I am bi(waitforit)sexual. Ah yes, the awesomeness of being attracted to both men and women alike! It doubles my chances of finding a date, however it also doubles my chances of being rejected… There is one problem with being bisexual (or lesbian for that matter)…. there is nothing stopping you from falling for a woman that is straight. It’s disappointing for many reasons.

From the start it’s not easy to ask anyone out on a date. Even if you know that they are interested in your gender. They can reject you for any reason… But liking someone you know is not interested in your gender ssssuuucckkkksss because even asking them out on a date is sorta kinda out of the questions… Think about it… What will their response be? Most likely “I’m straight”. What in the world can you say to that?? “Yup… I know. Just ah.. checking.” And thus begins the awkwardness of the rest of your friendship. If it continues (which I honestly hope that it will for all of your/their sakes).

It is hard to take that leap because of the fear of rejection and the fear of losing a friend… but I can’t help but think of the stories other friends have told me. Tonight I learned that two of my friends who have been together for close to 3 years were both straight before they started dating each other… I find that amazing. I guess I don’t really know that the moral of this story… other than anything is possible. But for the mean time…

Peace

get the church out of my government

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I don’t understand the problem revolving around GLBT marriage.  There are so many people screaming and shouting about these GLBT weddings ruining the sanctities of marriage, but they are referring to it in a religious sense. I was under the impression there was some sort of separation between church and state… By making GLBT marriage legal it is simply allowing those people to get the same benefits that heterosexuals are PRIVILEGED to now.

The Federal government should legalize GLBT marriage because it is discriminating against a community of people. At no point should the government or state or anyone for that matter demand that a church marry GLBT individuals, because, let’s face it, that would also go against the separation of the church and state. But I am pretty sure I wouldn’t want to force someone to marry me if they were against it. There are plenty of other churches that are willing to marry GLBT people, the government just does not recognize them as a marriage so they aren’t allowed, to receive the same BENEFITS heterosexual couples receive because it’s not seen by the government as marriage.

Any heterosexual couple can apply for a marriage license and receive benefits they don’t even need to have a wedding; you are capable of being married without the church. GLBT couples have just as much right to marriage as heterosexual couples, churches can decide whom they are willing to marry but the government cannot ignore the equal rights.

Oh Victoria

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Ah yes, it is that time of the year when statuses blow up with excitement for the Victoria Secret Fashion Show, when women strutting out wearing sexy lingerie decorated with elegant wings to showcase all that “Victoria” has to offer. Close-ups from the shoulders to the mid thigh help to show case what new styles Victoria Secret has to offer and more. All of these beautiful women own the catwalk with their coy smiles and confident esteem.

What people often fail to recognize is the impact these fashion shows have on society. Reaffirming the beauty ideal that people fight daily. Creating a standard women must live up to. It amazes me how easy it is for people to play into the agenda of this patriarchal society. How is it not obvious that women walking around in bras and underwear is objectifying and degrading? Sure these women do it with confidence, but the repercussion it has on other women goes unnoticed. Each year a standard is reaffirmed which many fight so hard to change.

The Clothesline Project 2011 – Winona, MN

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The Clothesline Project was established in 1990 when the Cape Cod Women’s Defense Agenda learned that 58,000 soldiers were killed during the Vietnam War, and during that same time 51,000 women in the United States were killed by men claiming to love them.

The Clothesline Project is made up of t-shirts created by survivors of violence, or created in honor of someone who has experienced violence. The Women’s Resource Center of Winona brings the display to Winona and focuses on the victims of domestic violence from the state of Minnesota; all of these stories have, unfortunately, ended in the victim’s death.

This Project is a display of t-shirts that provide information about the victims.  This information includes their name, age, day they died, the relation to the perpetrator, how they were attacked, and where they lived. Along with this information there is a design on the t-shirt representing something about that person. The goal of this project is to raise awareness and persuade viewers to take a stand against domestic violence.

For more information about The Clothesline Project please visit the Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women’s website. http://www.mcbw.org/clothesline

The Winona Areas display will be at the following locations:
October 1-3: Women’s Resource Center
October 3-8: Cotter High School
October 8-13: Winona State University
October 13-17: South East Technical College
October 17-21: Saint Mary’s University
October 21-24: Winona MallOctober 24-28: Winona Senior High
October 28-November 1: Women’s Resource Center

My Feminist Classification

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Before you start reading, I will let you know that this was written as a final paper for one of my classes.

When it comes to classifying myself into one feminists thought, I find it is hard to pick just one.  Some schools of thought do not explain their ideas or go into enough detail on issues that I find very important.  That is why I combine so many different schools of thought to create a whole new entrée of feminism.  My school of feminism consists of the ideas that men and women are equally capable of care giving, pornography is harmful to society, and it is important to deconstruct what makes masculine and feminine in order for men and women to be equal.  All of these strong ideas do not fit snuggly under one school of thought.  I share ideas and classify myself as part care-focused feminist, radical feminist, and social/Marxists feminist.

One of the feminist thoughts that I associate with is care-focused feminism.  Having compassion is one of the things that makes the human race amazing.  It is our ability to sympathize with others and help take care of others when they need it that makes the world a place worth living in.  With care-focused feminism they “regard women’s capacities for care as a human strength rather than a human weakness” (Tong, 163).  Having the ability to care about and for people should not be seen as what women are made to do.  According to society women are “suppose” to be the caregivers.  I agree Sara Ruddick that “mothering is both cultural and biological; that is, mothering is an activity that men as well as women can do…” (Tong, 181).  It is biologically women’s ‘job’ to bear children; it does not make them biologically capable of rearing children.

After a child is born both parents are capable of caring for the child equally.  Like Ruddick, I believe that maternal thinking is taught the same way all other forms of social interactions.  Our society has brought it upon women to be the caregivers.  “Our culture confuses maternal practice as described by Ruddick with a set of social norms according to which mothers need to be female, heterosexual, totally self-sacrificial, and disinterested in any role outside the home” (Tong, 183).  Since our culture pressures women to act, look, and feel certain ways it is not surprising that those ways parallel with the ideal parenting style.  These pressures to be a specific way coincide and reinforce many ways in which women remain oppressed.

There are many pressures that society puts on women to keep them acting and looking a certain way.  I agree with radical-cultural feminists on many aspects, one being “feminists should repudiate any sexual practice that supports or normalizes male sexual violence” (Tong, 66).  Pornography leads men to treat women in harmful ways, such as harassing them and sexually violating them.  Not only does it teach men to treat women terribly, it also helps normalize violence against women.  Pornography generally shows women enjoying the dehumanizing things men do to them.  This leads men to think it is normal and acceptable to treat women in such ways.  Many people claim it is the woman’s choice, but when a women’s best option for money is to sell her body there is something wrong with society.

Some people claim that pornography helps women over come sexual fears, but I think it has created a sexual fear for many other women.  Pornography shows men beating and torturing women, it is because of these videos sexual violence becomes normalized.  There is also the argument that watching pornography releases frustration and the desire to do these actions.  However this is not the case.  People cannot create separate files for what is acceptable and what is not.  Pornography will seep into everyday life and there is no way to stop it.  What is being done to these women are not the only things that become desired.  The way the women look also becomes another issue.  The sizes of the women will be the next desirable thing.  This is another way pornography is pressuring women to appear or be.  I do not feel that what is “liberating” for one woman, but harmful to many women can be a feminist act.  If it is harmful to the majority then it should not be considered an act of liberation because it is oppressing other women.

Our society has women being inferior to men because of this radical-cultural feminists believe that in order for a woman to be in an equal relationship they must be with another woman (Tong, 72).  Part of me agrees with this statement because it is hard to break out of what society has created.  Since men and women are never equal in society, how can men and women be equal in a relationship?  I understand this and partially agree, though, I do not agree with saying women must be in a same sex relationship in order to be a feminist.  Considering that intimate relationships are, generally, between two people it is important for women to hold the right to decide whom they will be intimate with.  Taking that choice away from them will potentially lead to different ways to oppress women.  It is important that everyone reserves the right to choose who his or her significant other is.  Therefore I agree with radical-libertarian feminists when they say “the ideal sexual relationship is between fully consenting, equal partners who are negotiate to maximize one another’s sexual pleasures and satisfaction by any means they choose” (Tong, 66).  However, people also have to know their partners boundaries and not pressure them to participate in anything they do not feel comfortable with.

I also agree with radical-libertarian feminists in the respect that it is important to break down socially contrasted norms for what is considered male traits and what is considered female traits (Tong, 52).  Having an androgenic society will be beneficial because people will be able to act in whatever ways they feel comfortable.  I believe that when there are specific ways people are suppose to act it creates unneeded stress and pressure that will ultimately lead to an unhappy person.  This goes for both men and women, however, men have rewards tacked on to their socially constructed normal actions.

For instance, a man is able to be rude, bossy, and demanding; in this case the man is seen as driven and goal oriented.  These characteristics help many men work their way in to high paying jobs.  Having these characteristics all the time can lead to being unhappy, but he has a high paying job to help compensate for his unhappiness. If a woman were to be rude, bossy, and demanding she would be seen as a bitch, or heartless.  She is more likely to be criticized because she is not fitting into the “desired” characteristics of a female.  A woman is supposed to be submissive, polite, and caring for her family.  These characteristics and expectations can lead to women being alienated in ways that men are not.

The fact that many people are unhappy with their job is terrible, but it is even worse when someone’s job is their entire life.  When people who work outside the home have a hard day at work they are able to leave it at work.  When domestic workers have a hard day at work they have nowhere to leave it.  I agree with Marxist feminists domestic work needs to be considered a job.  It is difficult for people to work in the home and unfortunately it has become the social norm for women to do the domestic work.  Not only are women who work in the home seen as not having a job, they are also expected to do it 24/7.  Along with that, there is no gratification because people rarely say thank you because they have grown to expect things to automatically be done.  When people are not acknowledged for the work they do and when work is so tedious, repetitive and never seems to be finished, it is not surprising that many people become unhappy and alienated.  This is the alienation of the self which I also agree will happen to people who work inside and outside the home.

I believe it is a bigger problem for those who work inside the home because their job is also what they deal with “after hours”.  Like the saying goes “woman’s work is never done.”  This also brings up the implication that domestic work is women’s work, along with the idea that she will never see the ‘finished product’ or feel accomplished and be able to rest (Tong, 101).  Although I do not think that people should be paid to stay at home, because that would be difficult to regulate, partners need to realize together that once that workday is done things needs to be divided equally between the two.

Women often feel like they have to be happy, after all, it is a feminine trait.  So if women are not happy they tend to pretend to be happy in order to put others at ease.  This also leads to alienation from the self and will lead to alienation from others.  In order to make men and women equals, we not only have to normalize domestic work for men and women, but we also have to see domestic work as work (Tong, 101).  Society has often shown domestic work to be done with love so many people do not think of it as work.  I feel like society creates the way things are and people believe that society is telling them the way things should be; that is how/why everything turns out the way it does.

This past semester has allowed me to help solidify and understand why I have specific views it has also helped me realize how they relate to one another.  Since my views do not fit under one school of thought, it has helped me clarify for myself why I agree with certain things and disagree with others.  I was constantly trying to fit into one school of thought but kept disagreeing with some aspect.  That is why I came to the conclusion that it is better to form feminist thought around me rather than to try and fit myself into one school.